My interview with Dana Hilmer, Relationship Expert

As a participant in the Zone Perfect Blog Forward Challenge I was given an amazing opportunity to conduct a phone interview with Dana Hilmer, author of Blindsided by a Diaper: Over 30 Men and Women Reveal How Parenthood Changes a Relationship. 

A little background on Dana (from her website DanaHilmer.com) :

Dana Hilmer is the founder of THRIVE*itude, Inc., a media and consulting company, the mission of which is to help people live their truth and to create a life of happiness, well-being, meaning and wonder. Her pet project is forwarding the mission of the THRIVE*olution™, a community – and movement – dedicated to embracing a new definition of success, one that puts happiness, wellbeing, and making a difference at the top of the list. Dana is certified in the science and application of Positive Psychology with Tal Ben-Shahar at the Wholebeing Institute. She is pleased and honored to now be serving as a TA for the program.

Prior to THRIVE*itude, Dana founded LifestyleMom™, an online destination for women who want to live passionately while raising a family. She is also the author of Blindsided by a Diaper(Random House, 2007), a podcaster, inspirational speaker, media spokesperson and long-time marketing executive and consultant.

Dana is a media-savvy interviewee and her insights and tips have been featured on hundreds of radio and television shows across the country. She also writes and speaks widely on making a difference and topics related to healthy, happy, authentic living. Dana lives in a beautiful shoreline town in CT with her husband (and college sweetheart!) and their three young boys.

As nervous as these types of things make me, I knew I had to jump on this opportunity! Luckily, Dana is amazing and I immediately felt like I was talking to an old friend. 

My main question for Dana... What advice would you offer to me and my husband as we embark on this new journey of parenthood? (Dana's comments are paraphrased, I did not record the conversation, just took notes). 

The 4 C's

• Connect:  Physically and emotionally. Have fun with each other. Make checking in with each other a priority.
• Communicate:  Make a point to spend 10 minutes together daily with the intention of purposefully communicating. Put away phones, turn off the TV,  make eye contact. 
• Create:  Goals and dreams for your family together. Declare dreams for yourselves, your child(ten), and family. If you put these goals out there you can help each other work towards them. 
• Celebrate:  Who you are as a couple. Appreciate each other and your relationship.

Another fun thing she pointed out... Appreciate has two definitions:(1) being grateful (2) increasing in value. Just like anything else that you want to appreciate in value, you've got to put time and energy into it!

I'm very grateful to Dana for taking the time to speak with me and to Zone Perfect for allowing me the opportunity. I also wanted to pass along to you all that Dana is offering a really cool program right now, called the Thrive Circle. Twice a month you can call in and she'll be discussing various topics centering around well-being and happiness. The really great thing is that right now she's offering the program for free! Check it out here to sign up! 

zone perfect blog forward challenge #2 :::: an update on my goals and a giveaway!

it's time to check in with the goals i made for myself at the beginning of the year in this post... How could I have made better choices (or did how did I make better choices) regarding them.

.: fitness :.

• join the 100 club at pure barre by the end of march. I made it into the 100 club on april 3rd... pretty darn close!
• continue to work out at least 5 times a week until the big day. i did really well with this through the end of february then i fell off a little. i have hit 3 days a week consistently, but it's time to step it back up. kind of. i think today MIGHT have been my last official pure barre class before the baby. but i'm planning on walking at least 5 days a week. 
• i don't want to make a bunch of post pregnancy goals as far as this category goes. i've never had a baby before, and i'm not going to pretend i know how i'll feel afterwards. i hope to get my butt back into pure barre for the bounce back after baby program. and i hope to run some races in the fall. but we'll see. haven't had a chance to mess this one up yet!

.: health :.

• stay within a healthy weight gain range for me (15-25 pounds). well this one has not went so well. i know myself and i really should have been more proactive about this. i went through a spell when i could only stomach certain things and those things weren't exactly healthy. my MD is perfectly fine with my weight gain, so that's good. i have a horrible habit of either being on a diet or being full blown off a diet. so i'm either losing or gaining. NOT GOOD. 
• join weight watchers after the baby is born. this will happen. 
• aim for 100 ounces of water a day. i've done really well with this one.
• keep a healthy snack on me at all times! this one too, i keep a zone bar in my purse at all times!

.:  spiritual :.

• finish reading the Bible. still plugging along. almost to the new testament!
• join another connect group at church. epic fail. 
• begin volunteering at church. done and done. i work the coffee counter every fourth sunday!
• find a book about praying for your children and put it to good use. i need a big old smack on the hand for this one. priorities... this needs to be one!

.:  everything else :.

• date my husband. life gets crazy, we get into routines, not all of them good. i want to make more of an effort to make him feel special and loved. i think we've both been doing really well with this one. i guess you'd have to ask brad to be sure ;)
• journal about my pregnancy and then the baby's life at least once a week. i might do it on the blog, i might just type it in a word document, i might just write it down in my planner... but i want to write it down. i should've done better about this, but between the blog, instagram, and FB i think i've kept up with it pretty well. 

*giveaway*

zone perfect sent me this really cool portable charger and they also included one for me to to share with you all! 

leave me a comment below telling me about a goal you've done well with this year  and that'll get you entered. i'll pick a winner on Saturday night!

“Become A ZonePerfect® VIP & Save up to $10*

 

Your first coupon will be emailed to you. Join Now <<  [link to:https://zoneperfect.com/offers?cid=social_an_zop_44&utm_campaign=zop-blogger&utm_medium=social&utm_source=zop-blogger-outreach&utm_content=zop-vip-offer&utm_term=join-now]

 

 *$10 in savings relates to savings spread across a one year period and may vary.”

ten things i learned during 100 pure barre classes

in april i earned my spot in the 100 club at pure barre asheville. that's 5500 minutes that i've spent at the barre! i was way too excited to sign my name onto the 100 club barre in the locker area and to have my name up on the chalkboard. 

i was also super excited to earn the coveted red sticky socks! PB sells socks in all kinds of fun colors, but you can only get red if you're in the 100 club. might sound silly, but i think it's pretty cool. 

source

i've mentioned pure barre to you all several times, but i've never really talked about the experience in detail. so here are ten things i've learned during my time working towards 100 classes:

1. no one is judging you.  if you're new to PB it's easy to feel intimidated. don't worry about how you look doing something! the only person who will notice what you're doing is the instructor (because she's trained to help you get it right!). everyone else is going to be shaking in their sticky socks and way too busy concentrating on their own movements to notice what you're doing. seriously... i'm pretty sure a zebra could walk through the studio during class and i wouldn't notice because i'm too busy trying not to crumple to the floor. 
2. buy the socks.  i've only taken one class without the sticky socks and that was enough to make me never want to forget mine at home again. you will slide all over the place! buy a couple pairs and stash them everywhere. i try to keep pairs in my purse, car, and gym bag (and yes i still forget and have to borrow them way too often). 
3. get to class on time.  and on time is at least 10 minutes early. at the very least you've got to take off your shoes, put on your socks, sign in, and get all your equipment. you should really do a little stretching and it's always nice to catch up with your classmates and instructors.  **if it's your first class go earlier. you'll get shown around the studio and the instructor will go over some of the key movements and lingo with you**
4. don't be surprised if the instructor physically corrects your movement during class. sometimes it's hard to explain what you should be doing so if you're not doing it correctly the instructor will physically manipulate your leg or hips or whatever to the correct position. it's super helpful and i guarantee you'll notice the difference as soon as they do it. 
5. if the instructor does correct you, she's only trying to help you get the most out of your time at the barre. the instructors always cover the microphone when giving corrections to a single person. they aren't going to call you out in front of everyone, so relax and listen to what they're saying! 
6. pay attention! seriously, listen to what the instructor is saying! everything she says is designed to help you get into the right position and get the most out of your workout. pure barre is based on very SMALL movements so little things make a big difference. you need to know if your toes are supposed to be pointed or flexed, are you supposed to be flat footed, on your highest tip toes, or in between, etc. 
7. when they say to move 'just an inch' they mean it.  i'm not kidding. this isn't the kind of workout where bigger is better. you'll hear the phrases "make it smaller", "trace a circle the size of a dime", and "down an inch, up an inch" over and over... that's because it's important! if you can make the movement way bigger than everyone else, odds are you're doing it wrong!
8. dress the part. i'm not saying you need to go on a shopping spree at lululemon or anything. but you're gonna want some tights or crops that fit you well and that aren't see through when you bend over. form fitting clothing is best so that the instructor can see your lines and tell if you're doing things incorrectly. 
9. bring water to class. trust me. 
10. the instructors are amazing. so are your classmates. get to know them! make friends! cheer each other on! it's so great to see the same faces, check in with each other, and keep up with what's going on in each others lives. it creates a really encouraging environment and it's a really great thing to have. we cheer each other on and support each other. it's great to be a part of the pure barre family!

a whole lot of randomness

is it totally horrible that i stood in world market for like 30 minutes the other day debating on whether or not i should buy some of these adorable little champagnes to put in the fridge at the hospital for when baby m comes? the ones on the right even say 'bambino' on the label! i didn't get them, i decided if momma can't have it, no one else can either ;)

this little girl is in heat right now and you cannot imagine how it's changed the dynamics of our household. holy hell, it's what i imagine hormonal teenagers would be like. we aren't planning on breeding her or anything but our vet said it lowers the rate of osteosarcoma in GSDs if you wait and let them go through one heat cycle. one heat cycle and no more!

i cannot quit eating watermelon. i craved it early on in my pregnancy and it was hard to find good ones. now they're everywhere and i cannot get enough!

catch up!! 26.5 weeks pregnant

^^25.5 weeks pregnant^^

my symptoms:  i'm experiencing what i'm pretty sure is sciatic nerve pain. it's only on one side and it comes and goes, but i have to be careful putting all my weight on my right leg because when i'm stepping a certain way it literally can just give out because of the pain. and given my current state of imbalance, that's just no good :)

wednesday i woke up with a lovely patch of shingles on my face. that's the third time in two years if you're keeping up. as soon as i'm allowed i'm getting the zostavax, insurance be damned. 

weight:  i haven't weighed myself in almost a month. here's hoping i don't pass out when i see the number at the doctors office today. 

gender:  it's a GIRL!

maternity clothes: all the time minus scrubs, some dresses, and workout clothes. we'll see how long that lasts. 

movement:  she's all over the place. it's so fun and reassuring to feel her throughout the day. 

sleep: i still have back pain if i sleep flat, so i sleep on a slight incline and it seems to help a lot. i've actually been sleeping through the night!

cravings:  sweet tarts

what i miss:  doing unmodified workouts!

appointments:  glucose test today. please pray i pass. 

questions/concerns:  i feel like i've gained too much weight.  

goals for the week:  get outside and walk! the weather has been awesome!

achievements from the past few weeks:  we picked up the crib and got it put together! completed my 100th pure barre class!

let's try this whole blogging thing again...

i go thru phases in my life just like i'm sure everyone else does. the last 3 months (and maybe even a few before that) are what i like to call my "blogging is  chore" phase. i found myself getting stressed by the amount of things i needed to do, so less important things started getting cut. And let's be honest, spending time writing a "running" blog when i'm not really running is just not at the top of the MUST DO list.

i've had plenty of time to mull it over and had to consider some blunt truths. i write this blog for myself (you'd have to be pretty damn narcissistic interesting to write a blog about your life for others) and while it takes up some time, i love the friendships i've formed, the accountability, and being able to look back on how far i've come.

the blog is obviously going to under go some changes in the next few months. there'll be a lot more pregnancy updates/getting ready for baby posts/freaking the eff out posts (you get the picture) and a lot less running posts.

but i think that's one of the beautiful parts of life... change is inevitable. so hang around if you'd like to follow along as i continue to change and go through my phases ;)

22ish weeks pregnant

my symptoms:  i'm sick to my stomach again. it's not the all day every day sickness, just certain things and smells that seem to bring it on. G2 was on sale last week so i bought 12 bottles to get the best deal. the first bottle went down fine, but now anytime i drink them i get very nauseous. 

yesterday brad had some bourbon before the game (KY thing) and the smell of it made me want to gag. (the way UK played yesterday made me sick too, but i think that's a whole 'nother can of worms!)

weight:  last time i checked i'm up 15 pounds. i've stopped eating whatever i feel like [for the most part] and trying to eat better. not less, just better. more protein, fruits, and veggies. to be honest, this is a bit of a struggle for me. it's hard to just watch my weight go up. 

gender:  hopefully we'll find out on thursday. 

maternity clothes: i've been stealing brad's old t-shirts (he's lost so much weight that his current ones would not be very comfy for me!!). wishing it was socially acceptable to wear sweats and pajamas everywhere. 

movement:  still hanging out down low. maybe i just can't feel the higher movements because of where my placenta is, who knows. moves a lot more at night when i lay down to go to bed, which i'm sure bodes well for my future sleeping plans :)

sleep: this subject makes me grumpy. i've had several weeks of blissful sleep with my leachco pregnancy pillow, but now i'm having these crazy back pains. they're pretty intense and i can't seem to find a way to get comfortable once i have them. last night when they woke me up and ended up propping up 4 pillows and sleeping upright. i hope this isn't here to stay. i can only imagine these type of pains get worse as i get bigger, but DANG. 

cravings:  sushi [and while i know that certain kinds are perfectly acceptable for me to eat, it's not worth it to me to even try again. i did once around 10 weeks and made myself sick with worry after eating it. yes i know i'm crazy]

what i miss:  feeling in control of my body. 

appointments:  second anatomy scan thursday.

questions/concerns:  hopefully they'll have some suggestions to help with the back pain. 

goals for the week:  get the baby's room cleared out next weekend.