i chose to run

i'm all over the place right now and i'm SO THANKFUL that i've got the next 4 days off at home to attempt to get my life in gear. do you ever just get in a funk and can't exactly put your finger on the problem? in my case i don't think i have enough fingers to put on all the things that i need to get right! *disclaimer - these are all little things that are fixable, so i hope i don't come off all "woe is me" but it really helps me to write this all out, so i'm doing it!*

first of all... i'm over analyzing more than usual, and considering i'm already the queen of over analyzing, color me a mess. case in point...

i have been battling in my mind for two weeks whether or not to run the cradle to grave 30k tomorrow.

this morning when i woke up, i made a big decision... i was going to take a DNS tomorrow. factors in this decision included:  i haven't trained adequately, brad is running the 5k so he's going to be hanging out waiting on me for hours, i haven't trained, i've been in a shit mood, i am worn out, i haven't trained, i'm drowning in a sea of allergies that are making my throat feel like i swallowed a fire ball, my uterus is being a punk, and oh, did i mention... I HAVEN'T TRAINED.

when i finally allowed myself to make the decision i expected to feel relieved. whew, i don't have to run almost 19 miles tomorrow. but i didn't feel like that. i felt bummed. i'm going to miss out on running all those beautiful trails. 

so i did what any rational person would do... i changed my mind :)

as soon as i allowed myself to think that i didn't have to run tomorrow everything became really clear. i don't HAVE to run tomorrow. i GET to run tomorrow.

is there a chance that i might finish dead last? absolutely, but that's not what's bothering me. i think the biggest thing that's had me down is knowing that i should and could have prepared better. but you know what? i didn't. i made that choice (or rather lots of little choices), so now i have to live with it. but either way... i'd rather be running.

and just think of all the time i'll have to over analyze every aspect of my life while i'm doing it!